Ranger educator

Thursday, 24 September 2009

art is healing

My mother passed away yesterday.
a short and hard statement and the reality of life and death.
her suffering has come to an end and for that i am relieved for her
my dreams of ever having a mum have passed away along with her.
where does that leave me? i really do not know at this point in time.
and the totally sad thing is that the family is so divided by all this, my eldest brother is not coping with the way i am coping with it, my second brother showed up after 17 years of not knowing where he was an expected way too much of me, my youngest brother seems to be the wisest of the three of them and can at least talk calmly and with thought. i guess grief does weird things to people so i am trying my best not to take offence and to understand that they are simply not being themselves.
it is making the whole ordeal very stressful and more painful than it already is.

you know what? you get to know who your true friends are in times like these and that is heart warming and helps more than i will ever be able to put into words.
but i breathe, i look at my kids and i breathe, my Estée came into the kitchen this evening, i was peeling potatoes for dinner, she stood there blinking her eyes at me and i asked what she was doing, i am showing you my love she said! ohhhh do i even have to tell you that i had to fight back tears??? i am so glad to be a mum! makes me even sadder that my mother never took that opportunity, such a waste. but okay, it is past, tanya it is past!

yesterday my two youngest kids ran the cross country school run,

i am not saying they won prizes but i was proud of their effort and everyone got a medal and my little girl was over the moon with hers! and of course she was not going to run in a plain white t-shirt! tssss what was i thinking! pink necklace and purple top made it a stylish event.

i realize just how blessed i am in this life even though i did not have the conventional youth growing up with a mum and dad, happy family and all that... i still am a whole person and i am happy with who i am and i do not care if there are some people (family) who would like to see me be different and more like them.
i am me and i am proud of that, i have kind of realized that in this whole ordeal.
i am a true believer of every cloud having a silver lining and here my youngest brother has turned out to be the silver lining! so little bro, if you read this, know that i appreciate all your kind words and the respect you have shown me and know that the feeling is mutual!
art... i have been drawing, here is just one of my girls, the background is not finished but there is no rush; her face is far from symmetrical but you know what? i like her, she has wisdom to her

wishing you all a lovely weekend, enjoy your family and loved ones
love is life!!! xxxx


  1. Oh dear, oh dear. Seems like you have a tough life. Sorry to hear about your Mum x Seems to me that people either replicate the childhood they had (or didn't have...), or do the opposite thing to make it better. Does that make sense? Your kids look beautiful. They make it all worthwhile don't they? Wishing you all the best through these tough times :-) Kate P.S. I really REALLY like your drawings

  2. Oh,Tanya. I'm so sorry to hear the news. It's good she didn't linger and suffer for long. Having gone through the loss of my loving FIL this summer I can totally relate. Death and dying DOES alter people. Just keep breathing. Embrace and rejoice in your children, for they shall show you how to move on. And keep working on your art. Your "girls" are great!! If you need a shoulder or sounding board - you know how to find me!! **HUGS**

  3. I just got back from a week long visit with my 81 year old mother. She had aged alittle more and I just saw her in Feb. She was never close to her mother and they had not spoken for some 30 some odd years. My grandmother passed away without getting to know her grand children and I was sad for that. My mother often tells us that the last time her mother huged her she was 5 yrs. old. She was sure not to pass that on to her own children and we have always been very close. I could not stand not seeing my brother or sister for that long. It sounds like you are starting your own mothering with love and kindness. It will come back to you from your children and grandchildren. I often wonder how someone "learns to love" and give love without a roll model. It sounds like you figured it out. Big hugs for you Tanya!! Love, Diane

  4. Hi Tanya, new reader here. I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. Thank God for your children! I had two children always thinking, I'll make my own family since I never really had one, and guess what ... it worked. :)

  5. I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Wishing you all the strenght you can use in these difficult times.

  6. I am so sorry about your loss. I'm sure you have used everything life threw at you to become the best Mom you can be. Sounds like your children appreciate you and that is really the best that life has to offer.

  7. Hello Tanya,

    Although I knew by your blog your mom and you were not so close, I still feel sorry for you reading about her death.
    Life hasn't been easy for you this year...
    I'm glad to read you still see the silver lining on the clouds and you are a good mom and your kids really seem to be the suns in your life.


  8. Tanya when you come up for air...I have an award for you on my blog.

    Be well...Patty

  9. I am proud of who you are too. Big giant hugs!

    Michelle xoxox


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