Ranger educator

Saturday, 15 May 2010

food for thought

i've been inking & painting & embossing metal, sanding and scratching... laying the last hand om my next workshop, i'll post pics when i'm totally done


i have had no time to paint and yet i feel i should have, i need to paint to orden my feelings and impressions... otherwise thet stick with me and start living a life of their own, the only way i can stay strong and not let feelings or pain take over me is by painting them away, maybe not away but giving myself a chance to put them into perspective. most people class me a a strong woman, i have been through a few ordeals in this life and yet appear to be happy and optimistic and i am! i am strong and optimistic on most days, but like all of us i do get down, i do have feelings to cope with, the pain take over on some occasions, now i am in no way complaining here! don't get me wrong! i have a super beautiful life, i am happy...

but to be honest i made it easy on myself in a way, i stayed away from social life, i never tried to make new friends where i live, i have been happy enough to meet people through teaching and it was enough for me. Over the last few months i have been out and about more, i felt it was time to come out of my hiding place, not that i was really hiding, i was just enjoying the peace of my soltitude. I live in a wonderful place, surrounded by the most beautiful nature that makes me intensely happy on any given day, i have a strong connection with nature, maybe more than with people, i don't have many close friends, by choice.

but i have been out and about and am glad i have but at the same time so many new impressions are coming my way and i am getting to know myself all over again, how i react, when i feel comfortable or not, ... new lessons, all over again, challenging and sometimes tiring but i am learning things about myself or recognizing things i already knew. and i get into the funny situation that people i meet ask if i am married or single, have i got kids? uh yes 5! lol then comes the shocked look on their faces most of the time... i get all kinds of responses, some think it is amazing i have five, they think i look too young to have five, three of them being adult! funny is that in a pub sometimes when i tell a man about my five kids i see the scared look on their faces ;) and most of them suddenly need the toilet haha! good way of getting rid of them really... :)

also i still am way more reserved or timid than some other women i see who go straight into action when they see a man they fancy, i see them getting really close, putting on sexy eyes and smiles and giggles and even to the extent of almost throwing themselves at a man the very first night they meet... i'm not judging! in no way am i judging, i'm just stating that i am incapable of acting like that, i have never ever made a first move... i was actually talking about that to someone the other day and that person said it roots from fear of rejection... that made me think... maybe that is true but i have no idea! i think it is just not appropriate (for myself) to act in such a way and i never will... do i let chances slip? i don't think so because really if a man falls for such behavior then fine... but no thanks lol!! i like who i am and if that makes me a little gray sparrow amongst colourful birds then so be it... you might find this a strange conversation lol but it is just a pick of one of the new impressions that have been coming my way, nothing more to it really.
the sun is out today but i have some more work to do before i can actually go out to sit in it, i did have my morning coffee in the garden and again was amazed by the amount of birds that are in my garden (including a whole bunch of beautiful sparrows :)), i saw buds on my lavander, yay i love love love the scent of lavender so i cant wait for the flowers. the tadpoles are becoming very active in the pond!!! soon i'll have hundreds of tiny toads hopping on my terras, i'm not too fond of that to tell the truth, it looks like some plague out of the bible and some of them even commit suicide by hopping into the kitchen and bathroom! ever had tiny toads hopping around you while sitting on the loo??? aaaarrgggg!
anyway, heading off to get some stuff done that is really long over due but life is busy and the days are way too short... i'll get it done and posted today! my mission!!
hope you all have a wonderful day wherever you are
love & peace,
and i do lay stress on the peace, inner peace is something i have found to be essential
tanya xx





6 comments:

  1. nice one....deep feeling make me cry!!

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  2. nice one....beautiful thought with food!..i really like it...i just pass thought your blog , stop to read n guess what i m there now., can't wait to comment about the whole thing....

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  5. As my mother would say..."you don't need a man to make you happy." Tanya you ARE one of the colorful birds!

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