Ranger educator

Thursday, 9 December 2010

my year of bad luck is not done yet...

hi blog readers,
i've been a stranger for a long time
my back is healing brilliantly, couldn't ask for a better result, still having to take it easy, which i wasn't always doing of course!
i've had loads to blog about really, had a wonderful, wonderful Be Rangerized weekend at Art Journey! fab peaople to work with, Louise & her team are angels and everything was organized till the last detail which was lucky for me because i was sooooo sick the night before our 3-day event, it wasn't even funny! i eventually got there and worked through it living on sportsdrink, lost likos i tell you! but it was worth it! so many happy people, all Rangerized wohaha!

but ok! it took me more than that to come and finally blog
and i hope you all have a seat!

two days ago i weny for a mammograph, one i had asked for myself, don't ask me why...
painful on any given day, us girls know that, mammo showed something, and ultrasound followed and there they found 4 lumps in my left breast, the lumps looked to be benign but the radiologist said she coud not be a 100% sure and wanted to do a punction for a biopsy right there and then but gave me the option of waiting 3 months to go back for another ultrasound instead but i sais no, just do the puntcion now! omg!!!! not something i wish on anyone.
yesterday i had to phone in for the results, so i did and they weren't there yet so doc was going to get back to me, one more hour of waiting and i felt sick with stress
she phoned and said she did not want to discuss anything on the phone, i needed to go to the hospital about an hour later, i wanted to know something so she said this is not news i can tell you just like this,n i need to see you face to face so we can discuss options and treatment
well my body just collapsed.
i luckily had my friend Curtis to drive me in because he was just on his way to my house, we go in and sit down and she says: you are not going to like what i am about to tell you but there is no other way of saying it, you have breast cancer...
my head was spinning
4 malignant tumours in left breast
once i m done crying she explains
they now need to check if there aren't more tumours in there, ones that are away from the group of four, check with a full body MRI if the cancer hasn't spread to other organs or bone
MRI is next Wednesday
next Friday i go in to discuss what was found
my options as she explained at the minute are:
best option: they find nothing more than the 4 tumours, if the tumours measure under 2cm a piece i get a breast saving surgery on the 20 of December( that's a day before my 43rd birthday), radiation to follow. my largest 2 tumours are now 1,8cm
next option: they find more tumours loose from the group of 4 then i get a breast amputation, radiation to follow
worst option: there is cancer elsewhere in my body: i did not even want to hear about that just yet so i don't know what will happen then

chemotherapy will depend on what they fnd in my lymphs or not, so still remains to be figured out.

there that is the deal! no beating around the bush on it. my cards have been dealt once again not in my favour to say the least.

my world has been turned upside down in the matter of 2 days, i can't begin to expalin how i feel, actually still pretty numb.

doc says my immune system has been attacked so hard by the suddeck and the meds and then heavy back surgery, it just provoked the cancer to show sooner, she reckons i would have gotten it somewhere down the line anyway, now it's just sooner than later.

you know what? i really don't think this is fair!!!! i breastfed all my children, i check my boobs every month! the gyno just checked them 5 weeks ago, there was nothing to be felt!
i just had this weirdest feeling i needed a mammo!!! this is so not fair! not fair!

my gp came by last night, gave me something to calm, don't know what but way stronger than valium that was for sure, i was so mellow, i've never used drugs but i felt pretty high and drunk last night, even giggling about this whole thing! meds have totally worn off though, believe me, i know where i'm at. it's not a nice place to be at!

why am i sharing all of this with you? for one i can't go through it alone and secondly, i know for a fact there are a lot of women who dread having mammo's, who postpone it! well DON'T!!!! are you listening???? go get it done! do it for me! do it for yourself mainly!!! just think about it! my tumours could not be felt from the outside, nothing to be seen, no indications what so ever! now, i don't want to scare you but please, better safe than sorry.

am i scared? well hell of course i am! one of my worst nightmare ever has been to lose a breast, it is just unthinkable to me, always has been! and here i am facing the possibility up close and personal.
all my friends are tellin me i'm strong, that i will get through this, and yes i am strong, i've proven that a few times too many already, kind of sick of having to prove it over and over again, i'm kind of tired maybe???
but they are right! no way am i letting this break me, i will get through it, i will get better, i have no choice, i have 5 kids and 2 of them are still little, i'm not a quitter and i won't quit on this one either.

i'm lucky to have lots of friends, loving kids and my friend Curtis who is being a rock in all of this, he is heaven sent! what a time to prove this so fresh and new relationship!!! we met at the end of September and just decided to give it a chance as a couple last Sunday!!!! hell of a way to test love!!!

right, what more is there to say?

love you all!

love & peace



  1. tanya heb woorden tekort , kan alleen verdriet voelen !!! en denken dit is gewoon niet eerlijk !!!!! dit raakt me recht in het hart want je leerde mij zoveel je bent iemand dat ik in mijn hartje toeliet jij mocht dingen tegen me zeggen die ik van andere nooit zou aanvaarde maar van een vrouw zoals jij wel omdat je weet wat het leven inhoudt tanya wij vormen met zijn alleen een grote kring en vragen de engeltjes dat je ook deze strijd mag overwinnen love jou tanya !! xx

  2. Dat is schrikken Tanya! Goed dat je zelf om een onderzoek vroeg. Ik hoop dat je er met een kleine ingreep vanaf bent, en het snel kan vergeten. Sterkte!

  3. OMG Tanya, this is every woman's nightmare. As you said, you are strong and you are a very determined young lady and both of these traits will see you through whatever is thrown at you. Thank goodness you felt the need to get a mammogram, just shows you that you know yourself better than you think you do. Sending lots of love and hugs, Lin xxx

  4. Oh Tanya, I am so shocked to read this. Some people surely get more than their fair share of bad luck. I'm thinking of you and praying for you xxx

  5. OMG, that IS the worst news you can get. I know the feeling, had bonecancer when I was 21 but survided and I'm left with a bad back, but hey I'm still here!
    I can only say to you: stay strong!!!! You have the power to endure this, not only for you but for your kids and boyfriend also!
    I'm now married for 13 years to the man who helped my through my struggle, it made our love so much stronger! I will think of you in this hard time!

  6. Sally Van Goethem9 December 2010 at 14:20

    Hey Tanya,

    Dat is verschrikkelijk, ik heb een krop in mijn keel. Ik voel echt met je mee. Terugvechten he meid!!! Heel veel knuffels!!!!!!


  7. You have touched the lives of many people. We all are grateful to call you our friend!!! Your candor will not only inspire but it will save the lives of many down the road.

    All of this is a harsh reminder to live each day as fully as we can. It will work out. You have faced all of your adversity with an incredible amount of resolve.

    You have many friends to lay your head on. That is also an incredible blessing. You must be doing something right!!!

  8. heel heel veel sterkte toegewenst en we hopen samen met jou op een goeie uitslag van de NMR.
    Maar om je toch een hart onder de riem te steken , zelfs bij een totale borstamputatie heb je nog de mogelijkheid om een reconstructie uit te voeren om je toch niet zo verminkt te voelen. Maar dit zijn zorgen voor later , het belangrijkste is genezen. Als je ergens uitleg over wilt , vraag maar raak.....

  9. Doesn't make any effin sense at all, I think you are so right. No reason, no logic. As I said, I will be there when you need to talk, through this, or when you are scared, or whatever. Middle of the night, I can call you on the phone or chat on the web, not a problem. I'll be your night-sister through this, when you need me, ok?

  10. Lieverd, ik leef enorm met je mee. Maar je bent een super sterke meid. Het komt goed, echt waar.
    dikke knuffel

  11. O, Tanya, wat een pech kun je hebben. En ja natuurlijk de vraag waarom?
    Ik hoop dat je over een tijdje het allemaal achter je kunt laten en nog sterker uit de strijd komt. Heel veel sterkte en kracht.

  12. Hey Tanya,

    Ik hoorde het gisteren in de wandelgangen....Nu lees ik het net op je blog...ik ben er kapot van maar kan me voorstellen dat je dat zelf veel meer bent.
    Ik wens je heel veel sterkte en ...schrijf het van je af als je dat helpt. Ik reageer wel.
    Lieve groetjes Jolande van Oosterhout
    (van het hobby weekend in Belgie en het ranger weekend.

  13. Ach Tanja toch! We hadden een lang en prettig gesprek in Sleen en ik dacht ik ga eens even bij je buurten.....En dat dit vreselijke nieuws! Ik wens je heel veel sterkte en van harte beterschap.

  14. Wat een verschrikkelijk nieuws, het leven is niet eerlijk! ik hoop voor jou dat de rest meevalt en dat er ook nog goed nieuws komt, dat ze verder niets vinden. je relatie wordt gelijk getest, ik hoop dat jullie dit samen aankunnen en dat er weer lichtpuntjes verschijnen. Ik steek een kaarsje voor je aan,

    ik heb genoten van je workshop bij Art Journey, je bent een schat, x Audrey

  15. Beste Tanya, wij vinden het heel erg om dit te horen, zeker na alles wat jij al hebt meegemaakt! we wensen je heel veel beterschap en hopen dat alles goed. Vele groetjes en houd je sterk! Shana en Brenda


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