Ranger educator

Sunday, 26 December 2010


first of all: MERRRRRRY XMAS! a little too late but i hope al of you out there had a wonderful Christmas with family, good food and lots of joy.

I'm still in hospital so i spent my Xmas here and the kids did their very best to make it nice, they brought lots of food, homemade pastry, my son has talent!! We had a cosy evening, they stayed till about midnight i think, can't remember but anyway, it was as nice as could be.

I had my op1boob on Thursday as planned, no chance in reconstruction staight away because another test had proven that the cancer in my lymphs was invasive too so i will have to go through a heavy course of chemo first and then about 30 rounds of radiation.
But you know what? I'm not as shocked as i thought i would be, sure i cried when i first saw how flat my t-shirt was on one side! sure i howled for over an hour in the bathroom the first time i washed myself, i cried until i couldn't recognize my own face in the mirror, sure i've been walking around in a somewhat zombie fashion trying to wake up from this nightmare!
but the fact remains that my boob is gone, it is ugly, i look like a teenage boy on the left side, my remaing boob looks way too big for my body all of a sudden, i kind of wish they had just chopped that one off too, just for balance!
but i can look at it now, i'm not so scared of it, it is what it is, it looks weird, it hurts, the drains are the worst! omg!!!!! still ggot one drain stuck in, they removed one yesterday i nearly fainted! hopefully the last one goes today cause it really is uncomfortable having a tube stuck in your chest and having to walk around with this yukkie bottle stuck in a gift bag! yeah they put my drainage bottle in this little gift bag with a cute little elephant on it that says:" i like to play"... uhhhh??? okay!?! i don't find that very amusing to be honest.

The op went as it was supposed to, they took out a lot of lymphs, everything will be tested so they can plan my chemo and possibly hormonal treatment in four weeks time.

four weeks to let the wound heal, a bit of a rest before the next fight, another big nasty fight with the chemo and i am scared, i really am but then again i was scared to death of having my boob chopped off and i survived that too, i have even been able to laugh and smile after that, what else can i do???

My kids bought me a super cool Sony digital book reader! just what i needed right now! i love the old fashioned feel of holding a book but i tell you this E reader is really handy, light, easy to read, i just love it!!!!

right, i need to go, stuff to be done, even in hospital there is no rest for the wicked!

love you all! thanks for all your support!!


  1. Oh, I'm soooo glad you were able to post today - I've been to your site a million times as you have never left my heart or mind since I read about this and commented. I agree with some of the other posts - only think about the moment you are in - don't spend any time thinking or worrying about what will come. It's going to come regardless and is what it is (I know because I've done this myself and rolling it around just makes me live through it more than once - how dumb is that?). It was so exciting to me that your kids got you an e-reader, how perfect!! I'm guessing you have a laptop at the hospital? or i-pad? Things have sure changed huh? being able to be on the computer during a stay at the hospital sure makes it more pleasant and helps the time pass cause we all know how the hours zoom by when I'm blog hopping LOL. There are some powerful prayers going out for you and we all know that on the other side of this you will be strong and loud - we are women, hear us roar. You are very brave, thank you for sharing any of this with us -we do care. hugs.

  2. happy to read you're doing ok considering circumstances. and great thing your kids where around for christmas! keep it going! warm wishes!

  3. Oh my goodness, I feel so bad for you! I can't imagine how hard it must be and how much it must hurt. You are such a strong woman. You will get through it. You will, especially with your sense of humor and a family that loves you. I will keep thinking happy thoughts and send them your way. xoxo

  4. Tanya, I wanted you to know I have been thinking about you a lot and I mean a LOT. Some people seem to get a lot of difficult things thrown at them in life ...... you seem to be very brave in facing all of this and I know you face a long battle through the coming year but your kids seem to be doing a great job of looking after you :-) I'm thinking of you and sending lots of positive vibes your way from the UK. Love and hugs, Kate xx

  5. I have no words...just a big hug from me to you!

  6. Hi Tanya, I had been planning on looking for your blog ever since I met you at Artjourney's Rangerweekend. And now that I found you I am shocked to read that the cancer got to you too. I so know what you're going through and I want to wish you all the strength you'll need now. I am so glad that it hasn't spread yet, so just keep hanging in there, it'll be a long struggle to come back but you will!!!

  7. Hi there, I've been stopping by every day and even our past comments aren't listed. I'm worried and am hoping you will post an entry soon. Sending you love and healing.

  8. Hi Tanya, so sorry to hear all the stuff you have to go throughm but as the other girls say, you are strong,, you have proved so many times already, you will be even stronger after all this rubbish. I am glad to hear your kids are taking good care of you (as you did for them). I remember your son, seen in Alphen at Bep's Ranger days. He was helping you then, he will be helping you now. Sending you love and prayers. Big hug, Lucy


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