Ranger educator

Thursday, 10 March 2011

nearly halfway

tomorrow i have my 3rd chemo, yeah i know, i never blogged about the 2nd one, for one it hit me pretty hard the first few days and i slept almost 80% of my time just not to have to deal with it cause i really wanted to die o be honest! Chemo is pure poison and you can feel it taking over your body, pretty scary.

anyway, towmorrow i reach the halfway mark for he chemo, i never thought i would get this far, i wanted to give up after the first but no matter how i feel i really haven' got a choice, i need to go through the treatment if i want to have a chance to see my kids grow up.

you would thing i'm going through enough already, well my ex-husband doesn't seem to think so!

I booked a weekend away with all five of the kids for my youngest daughter's 8th birthday, i miscalculated the weekends for them going to their dad so i ended up booking for one of his weekends, i didn't do it to bug him, it was an honest chemo brain mistake; I asked him if we could exchange weekends so we could go but hell no! he doesn't want to; my daughter is hearbroken over it and i am totally p'ed off with him, he is doing it to get to me but at the same time he is hurting the kids but he doesn't see that.

i hae now had to cancel the booking, paying half of the cost of the weekend as fee and then booked a weekend earlier and paying the full amount again. it sucks! now it is a verrrry expensive weekend Sunparks but hey what can i do?

ok, not much to talk about, my life is not that exciting at the moment!
wish me luck for tomorrow's chem
xx love & peace , tanya


  1. Good luck! And a big hug too!

  2. wishing you luck, sending lots of good vibes, sending your sweetie a happy birthday hug and a hug for you too :)

  3. tanya-sorry to hear about your jerky ex!and i do wish you luck with chemo..

  4. Sending many positive thoughts your way!! XOXO I know it's not easy as I've watched a close friend go through it. Thankfully she doesn't have an A** for an ex too!! Keep your chin up. You are stronger than you think. It cannot win. But you certainly can, and will!!

  5. It just blows my mind when parents do things to each other and hurt the kids - so sad. I know you are upset, disappointed, and angry at spending more $$ than it should ever cost BUT every breath, every moment will live in your memory forever and will be all the more special, I just know it. If this was a test, he didn't pass and I believe with every fiber he will pay for that and have some splaining to do. I am so so proud of you and how you are handling this damn chemo - you are so brave, and strong and I for one am praying for you - praying for strength, and hope, and that the 2nd half is easier and faster than what's happened so far. I love your photo, you are quite beautiful you know. We wear makeup, get different haircuts trying to find the "one"...and there you are - so gorgeous with no hair! I mean it. You should marvel at what an amazing brave strong caring fabulous fantastic magical creative funny beautiful awesome majestic marvelous loving patient giving caring kind and incredible w-o-m-a-n !!! Thank you for showing me what's possible and helping me appreciate each day each moment as part of the miracle. Stay strong - hugs and more hugs.

  6. Thinking of you Hun, and god don't you just love ex husbands..NOT!!!
    Hugs xx

  7. Heel veel kracht voor de 3e chemo kuur...ik denk aan je...veel sterkte en hoop snel weer van je te lezen.
    Dikke knuffel Jolande

  8. Keep the faith! I'm praying for you to have better days (many of them)!

  9. Each time I visit your blog, Mister Mraz is singing to me: La, la, live is wonderfull. Not true for the moment is it? (I hate him) But you are right: the kids will help you to stay strong and fight this. And your skull looks great! Classic even! No need to hide it.
    Hugs and thumbs up,

  10. Hola Tanya: espero que puedas leer este mensaje algún momento, te escribo desde España. Yo he visto tu trabajo por internet y creo que eres una gran artista, haces cosas bellas y tienes una gran fortaleza. Espero que te sobrepongas a tu enfermedad, Dios está contigo, aunque no lo sientas en muchas ocasiones. Yo estaré rezando por ti. Un abrazo fuerte y cuídate, no desesperes.

  11. My eyes teared just having flash back on the exact same feeling wanting to live but not wanting to do the treatment or med to live..want to surivive for everyone else but yourself...I had 5 surgeries since 08 and it will be my 6th one on my next birthday wut crazy it's my 3rd bday I've been in the hospital. My prays are with you and to give you strength and peace in this roller coaster ride..luv u my sista


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