feeling the SUN on my Soul

i'm allowing myself to smile, to feel joy, to feel the Sun on my face, let it warm my Soul.

No matter what is going on in my life, the pain that i'm going through, i need to live, breathe, feel happy, joy, love, light, comfort, peace... i have to let go; i am letting go! clear the traffic from my head and feel the Sun! just feel the ground beneath my feet, the beuty around me, the love i am recieving from unexpected places. the support am i feeling is not going to waste! i am pulling through! i am reflecting love despite my dark times. I won't even try and hope for the future, i want to live today! just be me, now, today! wake up from this nightmare, just hope she is okay where she is and hope she will be wise enough to work on her own future and know that i am still here if she needs me, i am her mam, always will be.

but i am also Me and i have the right to be Me and not let myself spiral down.

my good friend J says that it is not ME that is hurt, only my Ego and i do believe him on this! when i think about it all, my Ego is hurt! i was trying to be the best mother possible, to prove myself as a mother, fighting to give them everything, loosing myself in rushing through my days, forgetting that it is not all up to me! i can only do so much! i've learned that now, i'm letting her go, hoping that she will be happy in her choices.

i am going to breathe, find peace, day by day this will become easier i'm sure! i have lovely people supporting me and caring for me.

My Soulmate is thousands of miles away but he still hears my calls and feels when to comfort or to give me the damn objective truth. i am blessed to have him on my path!

my BFF S is sooooooooooo supportive! she sends me text messages before i go to bed, she sends me comfort and sweetness! i am overly blessed! i know that! i do i do! i really do!

so! let the Sun do her Thing!