well, you know, with me being single, divorced and all that... i kind of tell myself, and the whole world for that matter, that i am going to stay single the rest of my life, love has no place in my world, done with it, got the freaking t-shirt! away with the whole relationship thing, it sucks. well it does!
and then there are those days that the sun is shining and you want to go take a walk, on your own is fine but hummmm with a partner it would be nicer? uhhhhh NO!!! men suck remember!!!!
no, there are those days, well moments really, not full days!!! God forbid! but moments that i start to feel just a little lonely, just a little ( i am not admitting to anymore than that hihi!)
but the thing is, i remember having this feeling when i was in a relationship!when i was married! even more than now at times come to think of it! which makes me believe even stronger that i am better off staying single!!!
but then i have this friend, i will name no names J! he kind of kicks my behind once in a while, he doesn't put up with my realtionship-men suck-crap, he wakes me up, he never tells me, he shows me, he let's me find out for myself, he nudges, never pushes me over the edge
this so called friend makes me cry sometimes, but at the end of the day he always makes me smile, truly smile on the inside but hang on! he is a man! ohhhh men suck remember!!!!
luckily this friend is my friend, has been for some time and always will be so no need to panic Tanya!
we are here for one thing he says: "LOVE" nothing else.
and let that be the one thing i want to cut out of my life!!! until i realised love is not to do with having a relationship! there are so many kinds of love: love for my children of course!!!! duh!! my love for my art, my love for my friends, my soulmate,my doggy, my ability to recover from anything and everything,.... i could go on for hours now you know hihi!
but then he goes further... you're on the right track babe! ... but you still need to open your heart to L-O-V-E, don't rule out possibilities of finding love, don't force it out, don't search for it! don't long for it, don't let it control your life, don't think you need it to be happy but do not rule it out!!!
pffff smart ass, was my first thought! but now...i think i am coming around to the idea... slooooowly okay J!? and... i promise not to throw away the key to my heart just yet...
but good, here i am today sharing a bit of a private conversation with you all! why? well to explain this page in my art journal! it's my travelling art journal, only pencils and markers when i'm on the road so no mixed media to help me get my thoughts sorted, just pencils and me! confronting really!!! i find it harder to do but liberating at the same time
"to fear love is to fear life"
so all there is left to do is wish you all a day filled with love, the kind you choose! free choice!!!