Ranger educator

Friday, 22 May 2009

it's such a perfect day

it's such a perfect day! why? because i think everyday is a perfect day, no matter what might try to be going on in my head, my life, my past trying to creep up on me to make me feel unhappy and unloved all over again. no! it's a perfect day because i say so!

where is this coming from?

well, firstly my dad's operation has been postponed due to other minor health issues so he is still not in the clear there and still he is being such a pain towards my brother, God only knows why he is doing this, i can't get my head around it really, you would think he would choose to have peace and love in his life at times like these ... but no! he chooses to play these games right up to the end. it is hurting my brother. i don't like this. have loads more to say on this but i will not, not now, not today. i will go see him in a few hours and i am taking my brother with me and if he plays games i will stay cool but tell him what i think! it is a perfect day to do so! i have decided.

then, my mother, i call her my mother cos that is what she is technically, not who she has ever been, i learned to live with that, i'm 41 now, i'm over it all. i went to visit her yesterday. she is gone, she is not here anymore! 59 years old and she sits there, no expression on her face what so ever, blank, empty even, so sad, i feel so sad for her no matter what she has done in the past. i thought i still resented her but it has gone, she has gone. it might sound strange but i have found peace with her now she is gone. the woman sitting in the hospital chair rubbing her chin constantly is a stranger to me, i am even more a stranger to her. she realized it was me after a while, it didn't move her though, fine. after ten minutes and me telling her a couple of times that my son bart was there it finally reached her and then she cried. i cried. it is so sad to see her like that. i have loads of thoughts on this matter but i am goingto let them go, it doesn't mattert anymore. peace.

it is a perfect day today! i'm going to let go of all the emotions thet might be bubbling up inside me and am going off to enjoy my day! going into the city, help my son buy clothes, he still wants my help, hihi! love it! then do some shopping for my friend J he needs a little piece for his guitar so i'm off to find that for him and then post it off to the Uk. going to visit dad, he better be good! cos it is a perfect day for some home truths if he isn't.

so, i wish you all a perfect day today, every day!

xox t


  1. I will be thinking of you all weekend and hope visiting your Dad goes better than you imagine. If you want to cry, scream or just be cool and chat you know how to reach me...and enjoy your days shopping with Bart.
    Big hugs Sue xx

  2. PS Don't fall off any ladders - buy canvases!!!!

  3. I do hope your visit with you father goes well. I think I can relate to what you are going through with him. I am stuck in the middle between my dad and my brothers. I am the peacemaker... But I don't like the role I play. I think if he wants to know whats going on with my bros, he needs to pick up the phone and call them. It's time he grows up and takes responsibility, rather than place blame elsewhere.. And frankly, I'm tired of hearing about it. He's a grumpy old man. I limit my contact because I don't like the negative energy he emits. I do keep in touch, but I just have to limit it. Because today is a perfect day!! And it needs to stay that way!! Hugs to you, Tanya!! You're in my thoughts!

  4. Hey, my friend! Stop by my blog. You've got an award! A perfect day deserves an award, too!!

  5. Oh, I cried a little bit too. It's sad about your mom. Glad you've found peace there. Isn't it funny how kids sometimes have to be 'parents' for their parents. I guess we're all big kids sometimes.Maybe your Dad will pleasantly surprise you,... either way it's a perfect day :)

  6. Tanya I'm hoping for your "perfect" day...attitude is everything!


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