art is healing

My mother passed away yesterday.

a short and hard statement and the reality of life and death.

her suffering has come to an end and for that i am relieved for her

my dreams of ever having a mum have passed away along with her.

where does that leave me? i really do not know at this point in time.

and the totally sad thing is that the family is so divided by all this, my eldest brother is not coping with the way i am coping with it, my second brother showed up after 17 years of not knowing where he was an expected way too much of me, my youngest brother seems to be the wisest of the three of them and can at least talk calmly and with thought. i guess grief does weird things to people so i am trying my best not to take offence and to understand that they are simply not being themselves.

it is making the whole ordeal very stressful and more painful than it already is.

you know what? you get to know who your true friends are in times like these and that is heart warming and helps more than i will ever be able to put into words.

but i breathe, i look at my kids and i breathe, my Estée came into the kitchen this evening, i was peeling potatoes for dinner, she stood there blinking her eyes at me and i asked what she was doing, i am showing you my love she said! ohhhh do i even have to tell you that i had to fight back tears??? i am so glad to be a mum! makes me even sadder that my mother never took that opportunity, such a waste. but okay, it is past, tanya it is past!

yesterday my two youngest kids ran the cross country school run,

i am not saying they won prizes but i was proud of their effort and everyone got a medal and my little girl was over the moon with hers! and of course she was not going to run in a plain white t-shirt! tssss what was i thinking! pink necklace and purple top made it a stylish event.

i realize just how blessed i am in this life even though i did not have the conventional youth growing up with a mum and dad, happy family and all that... i still am a whole person and i am happy with who i am and i do not care if there are some people (family) who would like to see me be different and more like them.

i am me and i am proud of that, i have kind of realized that in this whole ordeal.

i am a true believer of every cloud having a silver lining and here my youngest brother has turned out to be the silver lining! so little bro, if you read this, know that i appreciate all your kind words and the respect you have shown me and know that the feeling is mutual!

art... i have been drawing, here is just one of my girls, the background is not finished but there is no rush; her face is far from symmetrical but you know what? i like her, she has wisdom to her

wishing you all a lovely weekend, enjoy your family and loved ones

love is life!!! xxxx

i know it's been a while

oh i have been a bad blogger but life has been keeping me busy.

Summer came and went in a flash, the kids have been back to school two weeks already, we are still getting used to the early mornings and catching the schoolbus on time.

Estée is now in school and no longer in kindergarden, so that means homework! and she takes it seriously, so cute, learning to read and write and she is already so good at it.

smart girl my little six year old, the youngest, in school, time kind of flies.

and not only when you are having fun i have found out.

my mother has Alzheimers, she is 59 and has been ill for a long time now, i haven't followed it from close, we hadn't really spoken in years and before that we never had a real connection, i grew up in England with my dad and only got to know my mother as a teenager, it was too late to connect.

she is in the final stage and it is so sad to witness this degrading illness taking away who she was. Her partner in life is a real saint, he has been taking care for her through out the whole thing, i hope she realized how lucky she was with him.
it sounds hard but i never actually had a mum but now i know i never will have one, no more chances.

all i can do is forgive her and wish her a safe journey. and i have done just that. what else is there? i hope she has peace with herself, that her soul has learned in this life.

i used to think i was superwoman but now i admit to being a little tired. the whole ordeal with my daughter, the Sudeck in my foot, my divorce and now my mother, it seems to be too much to handle in one little year.

but i am who i am and i get through things, i always do... so i will this time too!

i am lucky to be able to ventilate in my art, i still draw every evening and i still paint and i write and it all helps me to stay sane. i am lucky to have friends to talk to when i need to.

so as you see life has been throwing lemons at me, just a matter of figuring out how to make the lemonade.

you all bear with me i will have some art to show for all this once i get through it.

thanks for stopping by, have a great day and take care

love, t

A Thousand Splendid Suns

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini was the inspiration for this painting

painting Goddesses

some pics of what i have been up to in Suzi's goddess & poet class

of course most of the products used are Ranger but i am loving the golden fluid Acrylics too!

see i can post twice in one week! lol

long time no see

oh dear i have been a bad blogger!!!
and i have been recieving emails about this... sorry that i was worrying some of you!

i am fine! nothing major going on really, still at the therapist with the stupid foot that has bene giving me a bit more grief due to the warm weather and me maybe walking around on it a little too much! i admit! so i am on crutch most of the time.

what have i ben up to? well still drawing faces in the portrait class, i am way behind on all the wonderful mixed media Suzi is showing us but at least i am drawing pretty noses and full lips lil

a few friends came o play last week, we made exploding boxes, nohing too difficult to ensure us enough talking and laughing time, we had a good day and will repeat it again in two weeks time

while the kids were at their dad i had e few eveings of fun and mojitos at the street festival in Gent, no more mojitos for me! let me tell you!
i had a few evenings out with friends, a shopping trip to antwerp with my friend MP.
i've been reading lots, going to the film,taking the kids to playgrounds and theme parks, lots of swimming for my foot,going out for dinner, not much home cooking been going on around here, been to the hairdresser, went on a date (no details however lol except that i am so not ready to go on dates lol)... all fun things but not really much to blog about you must agree :)

mind you i have been productive too! i finished a magazine article on Ranger's Utee, i am also preping for September and October, not all lazy bones!!

so as you see my lovely followers, i have been up to loads of non-blogable things lol

hope you are all fine! i really must admit at the same time that i have not looked at any blogs this last month so if i have not responded to things do not take it personally! i have not been at my computer much, that is the only reason, i know i have probably missed much but that is how it is.

have a great weekend and i hope to hear you all soon, well att least at the end of the Summer haha!

thanks to all you wonderful chicks mailing me! soooo sweeeeeet! xxxxx big hugs and kisses ladies

love! tanya ( not checked for typos lol!)

checking in

oh dear i haven't really taken time to blog! and i recieved a lovely award from Sanda but still need to put it on here and choose some wonderful blogs to pass it on to, but not today, i am so tired :)

The kids are home for the holidays so i'm spending lots of time with them, making art at night most of the time but missing out on a bit of sleep lol

i painted this Queen yesterday and sat up till late embossing her dress and crown from Ten seconds Studio metal, i love that stuff, i used Claudine Hellmuth paints and Tim's stamps for the background and then added Grungeboard wings.

voila! my shortest post ever! and now i might take a little cat nap ... lol

have a great week!!!! do some fun things!!! ( you now know i probably won't be blogging till next week haha!)

xox

sooo hot!

oh just checking in! it is way tooooooo hot to make any art!!!

i did draw this pic while the kids were playing at the indoor playground (too hot to be outside!)

i actaully signed up for a portrait class with suzi Blu, starting soon, looking forward to that, i can't wait to learn some 'real' faces and make my own, that is the best thing about Suzi's classes, you learn so much from her but end up making your own faces and not copies of hers! i like that!

oh, i had a mojito last night, celebrating a certain pilot passing his exam!!!!

so damn proud of you J!

right! off to put some water in the kiddie's paddeling pool and jump in after them, this weather is killing me, lol

all having a nice Summer?

love, tanya xox

playing with canvas

i told you that i was working on a sticky back canvas art project and that i would post if i decided i liked it, well i do... so here you have it!
i altered this Ikea mirror frame with Ranger's sticky back canvas by Claudine Hellmuth.

i did transfers with the studio line paints and gloss medium, stamped with Ranger's archival jet black ink, i did a resist with gesso, of course studioline! and i added a few bits and bobs, some from Tim's collection ,some from my little finds jar. i sealed the canvas with gloss medium before adding the embellishments, this will make it easier to wipe down once i hang it!

not all my transfers are brilliantly done but that is because i was a little impatient lol! i still think they are so cool though! :)

i like the way it has turned out and i am extremely happy with the colours i chose, the yellows, oranges and reds are my colours at the moment, have been for a while actually! they make me happy or maybe i use them because i'm happy?!

have a wonderful weekend!

xox tanya

my pretty girl

just checking in, letting you all know i'm not lettng myself go with this whole dystrophy thingy!!! actually, now that i know what it is i feel a little better in a strange way, even though the doc says it is the worst outcome of the options he had in mind, still, knowing is way better than feeling like a complete whimp with unknown pains and aches and stuff, you know?

i'm taking meds for the osteoporosis part, i'm doing new painless exercices to strengthen my muscles, i get cool massages to drain fluid from my foot and leg, we are tackling this thing!!! lol

so anyway, one of my chicks from class came to play on Tuesday, she had a little book to finish, we had lots of laughs and a nice chat. i need to have chicks around more often!!!

here is her finished book, she loves it and so she should, she made a really beautiful trip down memory lane. totally handmade, bound with bind-it-all, her first little book! cool huh!

Yesterday i finally got to finish this little girl, i started her a while back, i can tell cos my mouths are changing now so i'm not totally happy with this one anymore but never the less, i finished her, and i like her! 12x24 inches, my favourite size to paint on.

i added a little metal embossed heart, ten second studios metal, i love it! getting myself really into this metal embossing and thought it would be cool to use in my mixed media paintings!

the cool thing about mixed media is that there are no rules or limitations! just fun and experimenting and mixing and letting things go wrong sometimes and still loving it! my kind of art!

my pretty girl is ready to take on the world and even though it hurts sometimes it still feels good!

bit of a message to myself in this one so i am keeping her close.

( the words are cut out of a pretty sassy mag that i 'borrowed' from my son's desk haha! shhhh don't tell him!)

at the moment i'm working on a little project with sticky back canvas, i'll show when finished, if i decide i like it haha!

it's just fun to be playing a bit more again, letting go, all part of the letting go.

so, off to my paints, coffee and ipod docked into the speaker system to let my favourite music fill the room, make me move a bit ( there are still parts of me that move smoothly lol)

a bit of Green Day, Foo Fighters and Red Hor Chili Peppers will do the trick!!!

love you all, thanks for the caring comments on my blog! xox

hope you will all have a day as wonderful as the one i'm having!

xox tanya

not too happy

well, i got the results from the bone scan and i already knew there was something to be seen and now i know what and i am not at all happy today (to say the least)

apparently the patch to be seen was osteoperosis due to Algoneurodystrophy or othewise known as syndrome of Sudeck (post-traumatic Dystrophy or reflex sympathic dystrophy ) so many names for the same condition. in easy words it means that my sympathic nerve system decided to go crazy after the operation last year in September. why on earth it has taken them this long to even see this goes beyond me and i really am pretty mad about this. and seeing i am apparently in stage 2 of this condition it might not even ever heal, but let's not think of that just yet, one thing at a time.

well,... now i stand where i stand i will just have to deal with it, and don't think i'm being tough, i cried today, i did, i had too, had to get it out.
but now, a few hours later, better informed i know that i am looking at many more months of rehabilition, pain, meds for the osteoporosis, exercises, ...

all the stress i have been thtough the last few months has not helped with this condition, seeing it involves my sympathic nerve system all stress should be avoided! yeah right!

well anyway, i know that there are a few of you who wanted to know so now you kinda know as much as me :)

see still al ittle smile

it'll take a lot more to get me down!
xox tanya

not much to tell, just checking in

hiya, it 's been a few days so i'm checking in, not that i have much to tell!

i went for a bone scan on Monday, still waiting for the results, however i do know something was to be seen, what and how bad is still the million dollar question i'm afraid, so needless to say i am a bit stressed even though i am really trying to stay cool and occupied, sleeping seems to be a little bit of a problem.

i've been painting a little, drawing alot, writing alot, reading more, playing poker online (waste of time and not for real money!!! shame or i would be rich by now...but keeps me occupied!)

i would so love to get up and dancing! anyway dancing or not i am going to a nice 70's- 80's retro party in a few weeks time and going out with some of my girlfriends, so looking forward to a night of mojitos and laughter and funny clothes.

hope you all have the most wonderful weekend! lots of Sun and Love or chocolate :)

xox tanya

my followers

hi, i promised i would draw a name from my followers as thanks for following my blog.

i put the names in the hat even anonymous nr one and two and my little boy pulled out...

CHARLOT!!!

so Charlot when you read this please mail me your details so i can send you a litle something for you as thanks for following my blog!

---------------------------------------------

what am i up to? nothing much, lazy out in the garden enjoying the nice weather, resting my ankle cos it really is playing up again. so feet up, drawing pad and pencils at hand, ipod on...

playing with some new faces, just relaxing

hope you all have a wonderful day

xox t

lemonade stand

hi!!! a couple of days ago i recieved this great award from Sheri but also from Evelien, i really like this one girls! so sweet thank you both xox!!!

The rules of the award (To pick up the Lemonade Stand Award):- Comment on this blog.- Save the award logo to your own computer and use it in your own blog.- Nominate 5 to 10 blogs you feel show great attitude and gratitude.- Link to your nominees within your blog post.- Comment on their blogs to let them know they've received the award.- Link back to the person who gave you the award to show your appreciation.

i will gladly send this on to Sue, Barb, Kate & Michelle. i know that is only four, but they are the ones i want to pass it on to :-)

told you i got my hair cut last week! here is my new short hair! so easy!!!!

that's it for this post, got loads of things to do today! hope you all have good one!!! i plan on having a brilliant day! not a crappy brilliant day! hihi! just a brilliant brilliant day! xox

needed some time

hi, well... i needed some time to recuperate from my most crappy perfect day evvaaaaa! it did not go well with my dad! i do not feel like explaining it all but believe me it took me many hours to stop crying and feeling angry, lost, upset and sad. still sad about it all but i realize my father does not feel like having some peace and love in his life, even now. nothing i can do about it. i now can only inform how he is through the nurses even though he forbids them to give me any info now!!! thet said he has been acting agressive to everyone and that i should not take it personally! very difficult. but one of life's lessons is to not take anything personal. His state of mind has nothing to do with me, he is only taking it out on me.
and the thing is i knwe it was all going to happen, i did say it would be a day for some home truths! and it was! i did tell him my mind.

anyway, i am calmer now, once again i just need to breathe and move on with my own life.






i helped my brother paint his livingroom, made new curtains for him, made some sipmle art to place on the big bare wall, we bbq'd, we went to see Star Trek which was brilliant! we loved it!!! my son did not understand how we were so excited about it hihi! too young! we were making vulcan signs all night long ( drinks might have had something to do with that!) i nearly got picked up while shopping for a guitar piece for my friend J, such a cute man at the counter! damn!!! my age, goodlooking hihi! he heard me talking to my brother in out english dialect and thought i was dead cute haha! he was so funny tring to imitate me, i had to say "tarrah" to him cos he thought it was so sweet hihi! damn, i should of told him it was my brother with me!!!!! dammmmmmmn! tanya!!!!! a well who knows... i might need to go back some day (two hours drive though!, used to be right around my corner !!!!) sigh................... dream on ! it was funny though and my brother said i should have asked his number hihi! he is trying to get me off the street before i expire!!! what a cheek! a well as you see there was some fun to my weekend, not all pain and loss.


right! off to the shops, fridge is pretty empty!!!

have a great day!!!! xox t

it's such a perfect day

it's such a perfect day! why? because i think everyday is a perfect day, no matter what might try to be going on in my head, my life, my past trying to creep up on me to make me feel unhappy and unloved all over again. no! it's a perfect day because i say so!

where is this coming from?

well, firstly my dad's operation has been postponed due to other minor health issues so he is still not in the clear there and still he is being such a pain towards my brother, God only knows why he is doing this, i can't get my head around it really, you would think he would choose to have peace and love in his life at times like these ... but no! he chooses to play these games right up to the end. it is hurting my brother. i don't like this. have loads more to say on this but i will not, not now, not today. i will go see him in a few hours and i am taking my brother with me and if he plays games i will stay cool but tell him what i think! it is a perfect day to do so! i have decided.

then, my mother, i call her my mother cos that is what she is technically, not who she has ever been, i learned to live with that, i'm 41 now, i'm over it all. i went to visit her yesterday. she is gone, she is not here anymore! 59 years old and she sits there, no expression on her face what so ever, blank, empty even, so sad, i feel so sad for her no matter what she has done in the past. i thought i still resented her but it has gone, she has gone. it might sound strange but i have found peace with her now she is gone. the woman sitting in the hospital chair rubbing her chin constantly is a stranger to me, i am even more a stranger to her. she realized it was me after a while, it didn't move her though, fine. after ten minutes and me telling her a couple of times that my son bart was there it finally reached her and then she cried. i cried. it is so sad to see her like that. i have loads of thoughts on this matter but i am goingto let them go, it doesn't mattert anymore. peace.

it is a perfect day today! i'm going to let go of all the emotions thet might be bubbling up inside me and am going off to enjoy my day! going into the city, help my son buy clothes, he still wants my help, hihi! love it! then do some shopping for my friend J he needs a little piece for his guitar so i'm off to find that for him and then post it off to the Uk. going to visit dad, he better be good! cos it is a perfect day for some home truths if he isn't.

so, i wish you all a perfect day today, every day!

xox t

another clearbook

due to mail problems this beautiful clearbook by dorien did not reach me! what a shame because it is a really beautiful piece of art!

so i am showing it to you now and i will sent dorien a little something because it was really unlucky i didn't get this!

you will agree with me that dorien did a good job here! i have talented students in my classes.

I got some questions on how i did the metal embossing so i would like to invite you to go vistit these two crazy chicks at Ten Seconds Studio!!! this link is straight ot their videos on how to embos metal, some cool projects, alot of wacky remarks and funny situations!

well, the weekend has started, hoping for some nice weather so the kids can pay outside

and we can eat out in the garden!

have a wonderful weekend

hope you find time to play and to have fun

or to rest

or meet friends

whatever rocks your boats!

xox tanya

passing on this blog award

“The Renee award was created by Bella and Ces in honour of their friend Renee. In Bella's own words "this is a brand new award and I have the pleasure and honor of spreading the seed, watching it grow. I hope it finds it's way to those who are like Renee: the acorn, a small package becoming a tall and sturdy oak, giving more acorns, becoming tall and sturdy oaks, giving acorns…” See Renee's blog: Circling My Head

i recieved this award from Kate, an artist i myself admire loads, she makes the most beautiful atc's with great sewing and collages to die for if i'm ever up north of the UK i want to go play with her, for sure KATE!

i would like to pass it on to Six of the many artist i am lucky to know and truly appreciate!

i could pass it on to alot more artists but here are the ones i chose this time around

i hope you take time to visit their sites, they are all worth your time!

i can't send it back to Kate cos i would if i could!

Sheri

i wish she lived aound my corner! she feels my vibes!

Lisa cole

beautiful dolls!

Mike

he and his wife should live around my corner aswell, we would make art!!!!

and drink cheap red wine doing ithope they come to belgium in the near future!!

listening mike????

Patti

okay it is getting boring but i wouldn't mind her living closer either!!

Lynda

cos she is beautifully chaotic and brave!!

Kimmie O

again beautiful dolls!

so there you have the six artists i would like you to visit.
--------------------------------------------------------------

i've been playing with metal embossing! i'm getting the hang of it and am really loving the new possibilities for my altered art projects, i'm een thinking of giving my dolls metal dresses hihi! yep, my creative brain has twists! but i think it will look pretty neat!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i bought some more Paulo Coelho books, people!! you should really read these, he is a wonderful writer and well... look him up on interne

, give it a bit of your time and find out about him!

i have to thank J for getting to know him. (xox)

------------------------------------------------------

oh and did you hear the first song on my playlist, did you turn it off!? listen to it! it is the most beautiful lovesong of all times as far as i am concered! not that i am in love unless with life itself!

but don't you think it is a wonderful song? i love Crowded house.

J is learning some of the songs on his guitar! thanks J!

can't wait to hear you play! few more months huh!

i love Crowded house, oh i already said that... :-)

what else? well my dad is having his operation next week so i'll be away from home for a few days to be colse to him, i hope that all goes well. for one thing it is bringing us closer, we are having talks we have never had before. i still think he is really impossible and childish and will never grow up but you know what?

he is my dad and i love him and hope he sticks around for a long long time!

i would give him all the time in the world if it were up to me,

he can bug me for as long as he wants!

my daughter sent me an e-card for Mother's Day.

of course i'm not over it all yet!!!!! how can i be huh!?

but i'm letting go and dealing with it slowly.

an e-card is better than no communication isn't it?

-----------------------------------------------------

and remember, and i am reminding myself at the same time...

!!!!!!LOVE IS LIFE!!!!!!

xox tanya

a little book

okay, so here is the little present i made for J!

it's a little hand-sewn book. he writes.

the covers are chipboard covered with sticky back canvas from Claudine Hellmuth, painted with the studio paints and embellished with Tim's Idea-ology things. the pages are all cut from a large sheet of beautiful paper from the art store, coloured with the Ranger distress inks and spritzed and flicked, then stamped with distress inks, some tages added with stamped texts or handwritten and some personal (not on show hihi!).

i am certainly going to make this kind of little book again, must say that the sticky canvas is so easy to use for covering! piece of cake! and i am still very much in love with the studio paints, i got al the colours now! what a luxury!!!

i will pass the blog award on tomorrow!

today i am going to draw! i have started to try men's faces, here is one i did last night, the shading is a bit rough, i was working in bad lighting so i'll smooth that out later, and i need to work on the hair more but i think you can see it's a man, heavier chin, wider face, eyebrows and nose are different... not easy to do when i've only done girls up to now! i think he turned out pretty okay really hihi!

have a great day, the Sun is nowhere to be seen here today so i'm just going to make myself a nice hot cup of tea, put some music on and pretend it's beautiful weather.

xox tanya

Evelien is the winner

the winner was chosen by my art pals from abroad, it is nice that some people are voting here but only the votes from the people i actually asked to vote count, please understand this;
i did this because then i know all the votes are valid and objective and they are genuine votes from people who do not know the contestants in any way.

Evelien is the lucky winner, you can see in the comments that she had the most votes, Marie-Anne got a vote too and so did Martine. Angelique got votes but not from my chosen jury so they don't actually count but of course it is nice for her.

I will make something special for Evelien and try and get it posted this week
along with Inge's present that should have bene posted last week but didn't!

thanks to my art pals who all took the trouble in voting when i asked them whithout warning hihi! and thanks to al my chickies who sent their work in! they were all fab!!!!! proud of you all!

clearbooks of my students

a while ago i gave a workshop on clearbooks and to get my chickies to finish their books i asked them to send them in before May 1st to win a little present from me. it has taken me a little longer to get them on due to not being home much and family issues but here they are now.

the way i want to vote is: i will mail some of my foreign readers and ask them to vote.

i aslo recieved a lovely blog award from Kate but i wil post that later this week!!! so come back because i will be passing it on to some cool artists! in the meanbtime you can go visit Kate's blog and see who she passed it on to! it is worth your time!

so! here are the clearbooks from my wonderful craft chickies! I think they all did a brilliant job. not everyone sent in their pictures but here are the ones who did!

i can't put all the pics on that i recieved so i will choose my two favourite pics of each person's clearbook.

their name is above their clearbook

Angelique

Evelien

Marie-Anne

Martine

Sandra

so Angelique, Evelien, Marie-Anne, Martine and Sandra ( i put you in alphabetical order) thanks for sending in your work, voting will be this week and by Friday i will post the winner! good luck to all of you!!!

i promised to post pics of my little present to J but seeing this is already a long post i'll do that later this week along with the blog award :-)

have a nice day!

mine started in loads of grrrrr and F**** i had probably not closed the freezer door properly when i shoved something in at the last minute! so the f****** freezer defrosted over the weekend while i wasn't home and my home had such nasty cat pee kinda smell when i came home, i don't have a cat so i kinda freaked but could not find the reason till this morning! so at 7 am i had to throw out a full bin bag of food! all smelly fish, scampi, steak, veg, soup, azrggghhhh! loads of money in the bin and what a job for a monday morning before my coffee!

anyway! no use in getting upset! it is done, i will now make myself a nice cuppa and move on with my day;

first i'll mail some of my readers to kindly ask them to vote for me!

Next week i will randomly choose one of my blog followers as a lucky winner for a little something from me! so if you are not yet a follower you still have time to become one!! ( see little box on the left, go up to top of blog hihi!)

xox tanya